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Couples Counselling One of our biggest decisions can be the person we choose to spend most of our time with. One of our greatest pleasures can be our relationship with our chosen partner. Couple relationships can be formed in many different ways, by marriage, civil partnership, choosing to live together or simply deciding to be 'in a relationship'. Couple relationships can be formed in many different ways, different gender partners (female/male), same gender partners (male/male or female/female), and partnerships were gender is in transition (perhaps through a so-called 'sex-change'). Furthermore, beyond what might be termed 'traditional relationships' are what might be termed 'non-traditional relationships' such as polyamory, BDSM lifestyles and so on.
From time to time most couple relationships go through difficult patches. Sometimes it might be appropriate to seek professional help as a couple. Often the consequences of couple break-up can be very serious with far-reaching consequences for all concerned.
A recent review of the scientific literature (Friedlander, et al., 2011) showed that couples therapy can be effective and one of the contributors to effective outcome can be the relationship the couple have with their therapist, for example feeling safe and comfortable with the counsellor, feeling understood and accepted and so on.
Dr Tony Weston's BACP award winning research into effective treatments for depression, anxiety and distress, included couples clients who were seeking help for their relationship. Often members of a couple that are experiencing distress have their own problems, as well as the relationship problem. It is sometimes helpful if both individual and couple problems can be addressed at the same time, leading to greater mutual understanding and support.
Mackey and colleagues (2004) looked at the factors that contributed to same-sex and heterosexual couples staying together (on average for 30 years) and concluded two predictors of satisfaction were a) containment of conflict within the relationship, and b) psychologically intimate communication within the relationship. Markman and colleagues (2010) studied 210 couple relationships and found how couples managed negative emotions within the relationship predicted levels of couple distress, i.e. more adaptive ways of handling negativity lead to less couple distress (happier couples).
Dr Tony Weston enjoys working with couples clients you can contact him now on 01223-894896 (phone is answered 24/7) or email him at tony.weston5@btinternet.com to make an initial appointment.
Following is a graph showing improvements in problems with close relationships for clients seen at this counselling service. Average age was 35 years, range 19-58 years, 60% were female, 38% were married and half had children. Average number of sessions was 9, range 2-32 sessions.
 References:
Friedlander, M L, Escudero, V, Heatherington, L and Diamond, G M (2011). Alliance in couple and family therapy. In J C Norcross Psychotherapy relationships that work: Evidence-based responsiveness. New York: Oxford University Press.
Mackey, R A, Diemer, M A, and O'Brien, B A (2004). Relational factors in understanding satisfaction in the lasting relationships of same-sex and heterosexual couples. Journal of Homosexuality 47 (1) 111-136.
Markman, H J, Rhoades, G K, Stanley, S M, Ragan, E P and Whitton, S W (2010). The premarital communication roots of marital distress and divorce: The first five years of marriage. Journal of Family Psychology 24 (3) 289-298.
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